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Independent Clauses

Chasing Blank Pages

-This monthly column is our editor spouting off. He occasionally has brilliant thoughts. Often he ends up pondering quantum physics, which isn't so brilliant.

A Short, Biased History of Rock

       Welcome to real life. May I take your order? I will end up giving you orders- so don't worry about that. You won't end up with much, but you can have this cast-off called rock music. It's not good for anything. It is merely annoying. Sure, someone's getting rich off those shaggy-haired British, but it'll fade. It will fade


It will fade- these rebellious rockers are subverting our children! We will make it fade. Smash the records, smash the records! Drumbeats are what they use to call the devil down in Africa! The devil is in the drumbeat! Smash the records! You may not listen to that! You are grounded


You are grounded young man. Do NOT play that song about "Teen Spirit" or you will have it worse. This anger is not good for a kid your age. You should not be angry. Don't be angry at me young man, you'll get it worse. I'm taking away your stereo


Taking away your stereo and replacing it with a dollar sign, you sold it off to buy yourself an I-pod. Your parents eventually got over the warning labels on CDs- they're all wrong anyway. Ben Folds escapes with more than twice as many curses than the Yeah Yeah Yeahs but the YYYs get the label cause they look scary. Stereotyping. There are too many stereotypes


There are too many stereotypes- we must boil them down. If we make only a few genres of music available, everyone will learn to like these genres. Everyone will love rap, punk, and dance-pop. The occasional slip will be okay- let them think there is still creativity. We own creativity. We make creativity. There will be only what we say there is


We say there is a problem with this. The IC will not stand for the same genres over and over again. The IC will not compromise musical integrity for the popularity or the parental. If it sounds good- you know it. Music will never fade

-Stephen Carradini